Working in a prison is like going through a meat grinder. You come out at the end of a shift with your head feeling completely mashed. One of the first incidents I remember is a prisoner sitting in his cell cutting his arm because he wanted me to get him a cigarette. He knew exactly what to do without putting his life at risk.
Things in prisons have changed a lot since then. Prisoners are much bigger than they were 30 years ago due to use of steroids inside. And they are more likely to be in gangs.
The drugs have changed too. Spice is so much easier to get into prisons than cannabis or heroin and it affects people very differently from other drugs. The access to social media and mobile phones that many prisoners have now has also been a gamechanger.
When you start a shift, it takes about 20 minutes just to get on to the wing. Officers are thoroughly searched and you have to make sure you have your keys, your handcuffs, your radio and your Pava – synthetic pepper spray.
After a debrief about what happened on the previous shift, everything starts.
We have to do a “locks, bolts and bars” check on cells to make sure prisoners haven’t been digging a hole to escape. Prisoners who might be sleeping don’t exactly welcome you into their dark, stinking cells.
They are always asking us to sort things out for them: “Boss can you get me a phone call. Can you sort out my canteen?” (The weekly order from the prison shop.) Then a call might come over the radio to go and urgently assist with a fight that has broken out.
The only thing that keeps me sane is going to the gym during my lunch break. Some officers go out to the prison car park, perch on the open boots of their car and vape and go on their phones.
Throughout the shift I’m suppressing all of my emotions. Feelings of fear, anger, hate, all have to be kept inside. As a prison officer you know you are a quarter of a second away from a fight so the focus is always on de-escalation.
The drugs in prisons now have taken things to another level. Before people might have thrown a dead pigeon over a prison fence stuffed with heroin or cannabis for a prisoner to pick up. Now all they have to do is throw a piece of paper shaped into a dart over the fence. Those pieces of paper are sprayed with spice and prisoners doing litter picks just pick up those pieces of paper and get their drugs right in front of us.
When prisoners are under the influence of spice, it’s like watching a maniac zombie movie. People start spinning around, white foam comes out of their mouths and then they collapse. People who take drugs in prison accept the risk they might die.
One of the most difficult times for prison officers is when prisoners come out of their cells for association time. That’s when all the drug-running happens and vendettas against individual prisoners are carried out. A prisoner may be beaten up in his cell during this time and unless he needs medical attention we may not get to know what’s happening. The way the prisoner economy works, prisoners are intimidated into buying drugs even if they don’t want to take them so they have a drug debt.
Social media and mobile phones mean that prisoners can find out more about prison officers than they used to be able to, which puts us at risk. And they can get an instruction out within 30 seconds to commit a crime such as torching a house.
I’ve seen so many terrible things in my time as a prison officer. I’ve had to deal with many inmates who have attempted to kill or harm themselves. There was one man who cut off both his ears and put them under the cell door. He was very intelligent but he was mentally ill. When I asked him why he had done this he said it was because there was someone in his cell (there wasn’t) and we hadn’t dealt with the issue.
When I first started in the Prison Service about 10% of officers were actively looking for other jobs. Now it’s about 75%. It’s hard to explain what working in a prison environment does to you. It’s like being put through a washing machine cycle and coming out dirty instead of clean. How many times do we go to work and feel fear? Every single day. Deep down I’m not a happy person. I’ve been affected too much by what I’ve seen.
As told to Diane Taylor
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In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
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