Bride who married ‘soul mate’ in jail forced to change out of problematic outfit

Gazing into the eyes of her beloved, the bride adjusted her white sweatshirt over her jeans as she said, ‘I do.’

Not only had Emma been forbidden from wearing a wedding dress, but she had been made to change out of her white jeans and white jumper before saying her vows.

Because this was no church.

Emma tied the knot with her “soul mate” Curtis in the waiting room of St Louis Correctional – a tough prison in Michigan, USA – where he was serving seven years for car-jacking and possession of a firearm.

Their witnesses were prison guards and Curtis’ mum, the ceremony was over in minutes and she was made to change her clothes to wear something “in line with prison regulations.”

Emma, 32, a postal worker from London, said: “As soon as I walked into the reception room, I saw a particular officer that I knew was gonna be a problem. She told me, ‘ma’am, you need to change.’”

Still, the service went ahead without a hitch, although she admits to feeling some trepidation in the run up to the wedding.

She laughed: “Have I ever thought, ‘Why am I doing this?’ Every day. I am getting married in a prison. I wanted my dad to be able to walk me down the aisle and see me in a dress and do all of those things. Well, I’m too far invested now to give up. Mumma raised no quitter!”

Emma met Curtis, 35, after leaving a violent relationship, through the Write A Prisoner website – through which people can write to felons in the US.

She says: “I really didn’t want to be with anybody. I didn’t wanna be with anyone physically, I didn’t wanna date.

“Writing to a prisoner allowed me to be who I am, grow as a person, but it was kind of on my terms. I was in a relationship with him for about eight months before I ever saw him on a video. All I saw was a picture of him.”

The bond created through writing letters is an important element for women who find love with prisoners, according to psychologist Emma Kenny.

She explains: “In a world dominated by superficial online interactions, writing letters allows for a deep, emotional connection to develop.”

And for women who find love through being prison pen pals, she adds: “They often feel that they are getting to know the prisoners on a very profound level, far beyond the surface.

“The act of writing and receiving letters can create a sense of intimacy and trust that is difficult to achieve in traditional dating scenarios.”

There are other unique factors that make dating someone who is locked up thousands of miles away appealing, according to Ms Kenny.

She says: “These women have a literally captive audience regarding their communication. They often feel more romantically valued than in their more traditional past relationships.

“Another critical factor is the sense of purpose and meaning these relationships provide.

“Some women might be experiencing loneliness or a lack of fulfilment in their lives. Engaging in a relationship with a prisoner can give them a sense of importance and value, knowing they are a lifeline to someone in a dire situation.

“It provides them with a role as a confidante, supporter, and sometimes even a saviour.”

But Emma, who accepted Curtis’ marriage proposal six-and-a-half months after they first made contact – even though it was another month-and-a-half before she first saw him other than in a photo when they had a video call – says it was he who saved her.

She says: “When I actually wrote to Curt, I was, yeah, a complete mess. I really was. I fell in love with him because I could be my 100% transparent self.

“Although we’re from completely different backgrounds, we’ve been able to take things from those backgrounds and apply them to each other and make each other better. As much as people always say to me, ‘You must’ve saved Curt,’ he also saved me.”

Curtis adds: “Me and Emma, we’ve been talking for two and a half years. In that two and a half years, I’ve changed so dramatically that if you know me from back then, you would be so surprised.”

Emma agreed to marry Curtis while he was still incarcerated, so that they could apply for a visa in time to be able to live together when he was released.

She admits that her parents, Dean and Deborah, were concerned when she told them she was marrying a US prisoner.

But she tried to play down his crimes by saying that everyone in America carries a gun and that the car-jacking involved someone in his own family as part of a falling out.

Beyond her family’s misgivings there were other hurdles to overcome because of Curtis being behind bars.

Intimacy was one. “Being with somebody that is incarcerated, there are very limited ways that you can be intimate,” Emma said.

“I like to use my imagination, he likes to use his, and we like to do this ‘spicy letter,’ we call it.”

But, none of the drawbacks imposed by having a husband in a prison cell were enough to put Emma off.

Despite coming from very different worlds and never having met outside the prison walls, she had never felt such a strong connection with anyone else.

“He is funny, he’s patient, he is articulate, he is intelligent,” she said. “He’s just like the boy version of me. I have never met anyone on the outside that stimulates my mind and everything like he does.”

Curtis has now been released from prison and Emma is leading a more traditional married life with him in Michigan.

And she has no regrets about her unconventional wedding day.

She said: “For a wedding in a prison, it was perfect. I didn’t expect it to be in the visiting room next to the burgers. It is what it is. But it was perfect.”

• The new series Prison Brides starts Monday 10th June at 10pm on Crime+Investigation and to stream on Crime+Investigation Play.

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